Please Think Before Judging Those Of Us In Chronic Pain

I feel that especially the last two paragraphs are very important. Saying that, the feisty Lucy came out to play at the end. To those that have listened to me (and others) and not judged me/us over the years, I love you the most 💓

The above video shows/explains why I’ve lived with insane migraines for over 20 years. Although alternative doctors knew my hips and in turn spine was the culprit, doctors that could do surgery dismissed it, despite the fact that doing stuff to get hips back in position usually got rid of the migraine.

This is why, when I was fairly certain that I had a brain tumor, (not because of Google, rather because I know my body) I never mentioned it. It’s also why most of my life has been spent living on a 2 pain level (out of 1-10), which from listening to others rate their pain, would likely be a 10 to the healthy persons. My 10, is something they likely can’t even imagine and would likely be 100+ to them.

This is also why when on May 14th, when I said something was SERIOUSLY wrong with my brain and/or body my doctors dismissed me. They decided to blame my brain surgery (which was on 3/28/18) as the culprit, despite the fact that I was almost fully healed at the 4 week post-op mark, which shocked most people. Then my body continued to worsen and so then they held my mental health history against me, rather than the fact that I’m more mentally stable than many “healthy” people out there. Also, they ignored that I have been super mentally stable for over a year (thanks to learning and practicing DBT skills). So instead, they increased what was actually leading me to death’s doorstep quicker than was meant to happen (Gabapentin).

Guess what though, I’ve been living in pain that many could not even imagine and I've been doing so for over 20 years - more of the time than not. So since the decline of my body, the pain wasn’t the issue. The weakness was/is, yet all they wanted to do was treat the pain that wasn’t the issue by giving me more of what is likely killing me (which I figured out what it is, despite that over 40 doctors couldn’t). I’ve spent apx 24 years analyzing my body and brain/emotions. I know when something is wrong. I know how my body reacts to surgery. I knew what was/is going on had/has nothing to do with the surgery. Over 40 doctors wouldn’t listen to me though.

Even when I had what was likely a seizure for over 4 hours I was dismissed. I thought it was MS at play, because the episode mirrored what saw in a MS client that I had trained with when was a caretaker. Then realized (mostly due to the only 2 doctors at Geisinger that never dismissed me, which are neuro-oncology) that it was most likely a seizure, not MS. If my other symptoms hadn’t been dismissed for apx 2 months, then I would have likely known this. Which means I would have gone to the ER after it lasted for 30 min, as they say brain damage or death can happen after that time.

My life has been full of highly unlikely things, yet the doctors still dismiss the highly unlikely things when it comes to me. Haven’t just had 1 or 2 in my life, I’ve had more than a family of 10 usually has as a whole. So when I'm told something is highly unlikely, I take that as being more likely to happen to me than the highly likely things for the avg person would be.

******WARNING*****Feisty part of me comes out from here through the rest. So proceed with caution 😆

So, moral of the story. STOP BLOODY JUDGING THOSE OF US THAT ARE IN CHRONIC PAIN AND THOSE OF US THAT HAVE AN INSANE, UNIMAGINABLE AMOUNT OF THINGS WRONG WITH US! STOP THINKING IT IS JUST IN OUR BLOODY HEADS!!!!! When you judge us, you become one of the reasons why we may approach death’s door quicker than we are meant to. So, instead of judging us for being broken physically and/or mentally, judge yourself for being broken mentally - to the point that you can’t just believe honest people about their ailments. 

All of you people that judge people like me, are why I was dangerously close to death’s door. So take a long look at yourself and turn your mind so you can stop being such JUDGMENTAL, HYPOCRITICAL DONKEYS! If you take offense to these last 2 paragraphs or if you just don’t care that you are part of the problem which leads good people closer to death, then well, I feel very sorry for you. I can't imagine living life as a judgmental & hypocritical person, as frequently that type of person is much more toxic than many. I really hope, if you are a toxic person, you can find the strength to change your ways and start caring about others more than you judge them.